Resisting the Allure of Victimhood
Addressing Cultural Shifts that Encourage Victim Mentality
Over recent years I’ve been observing tensions around the topic of victimhood. From an individual standpoint, I choose to believe it’s someone’s personal choice how they decide to relate to victimhood. If someone has been victimized, they have the right to honor that experience if they want to. Sometimes the chosen path involves getting consumed into a victimhood consciousness; sometimes it doesn’t.
In the process, the individual will look to a support system and get feedback from those around them. Several aspects of this process won’t look the same for each person. Not everyone is going to have the perfect support system in place, nor will everyone have access to professional guidance well-versed in understanding victimhood and trauma.
Where you get your support and external feedback matters on how you perceive the experience. One of the complexities of external feedback is the role society plays on your perception. Whether you’re aware of it or not, there are societal influences stating if a person should or shouldn’t lean into their victimhood. There isn’t one set stance on what to do here. In fact, there’s conflicting messages out there about what approach to take.
Polarization in the Making
I find this to be a challenging topic to write about. I find it hard to frame this discussion from the foundation of first principles (which I’m trying my best to do here). Once the first principles are stated, I can then build outward to explain the societal implications. Often it doesn’t happen so formulaic. A discussion about this topic tends to occur from the external influx of reactions about how things should be handled.
When it comes to the broader societal discussion, I’ve been sensing two polarized viewpoints have formed. Those unaware of the growing victimhood consciousness encouraged by some of society, and those who are opposing the influence of making victim consciousness seem alluring. Mind you, there’s much more nuance than these two positions. It’s just that these are two positions to which I’m noticing having the growing polarity (and development of oppositional reactivity and argumentation).
So, what do you think? Is there a growing trend in society that’s making victimhood consciousness seem alluring?
As Victim Mentality Encroaches
I see it. What I see concerns me for a number of reasons. I believe those who are unaware of this shift in society, could be taken advantage of and misdirected. Those who have authentic care for actual victims may have their compassion manipulated for another purpose. If I’m wrong, that’s ok. I’d rather explore the concerns just in case there’s validity to the manipulation I suspect.
I want to continue to take notice of how some online circles push the encouragement that allows individuals to succumb to a victim mentality. Whether that be calling out specific examples or naming an ethos as a driving factor, there’s a discussion to be had. I also take notice how within other online circles, there’s a pushback to this phenomenon. A growing concern about the coddling and demoralization that stems from the encouragement of individuals to benefit from exploiting victimization.
Like with many things, polarity can create pro- and anti- camps. It hasn’t gotten so far (yet) as outright using labels of either pro-victimhood or anti-victimhood, but the sentiment appears to be there within these online discussions. The “for or against” vibe is so strong within society. Algorithmically designed polarity online has heightened what already existed naturally. It’s just getting harder to turn the tide once a topic gets too divisive. Even when it seems that both perspectives have validity to them.
Part of Caring is Having Difficult Discussions
Another challenge with this topic is I’m concerned that it will be perceived as harmful, callous or uncaring to actual victims who may already feel unsupported. Discussing this is not meant to further disempower someone. I feel it’s important to handle a topic like this with care. Yet, I also understand that there’s a self-censorship trap that can occur by stunting one’s voice if they feel others will be easily offended. So please, let’s have the discussion despite concerns for how it will land for others.
So, as I weigh in on this topic, I want to really set the stage as to what I see as having the most influence. Once again, external pushes and pressures are factoring in. I’m not suggesting you ignore the external perspectives; they have their influence and could serve you in your understanding. It’s about knowing they exist and how they are used to influence.
There are lots of external resources that can help you think about this. Recently, I wrote about Karpman’s Drama Triangle and the role of the rescuer. I find it to be an excellent model that provides some perspective around interpersonal dynamics for the roles of victim, persecutor (villain) and rescuer. This is a resource for you to add to your critical thinking and sovereign decision-making. It’s when the external forces are driving you - emotionally, mindlessly or unknowingly - that it begins to get hazardous to your well-being.
Where Do I Stand?
Like with many polarized concerns, I think of the question, “Which side are you on?” To that I ask, does one have to take a side? These are the choices we make every day. For the most part, I have little desire in taking sides. I don’t feel that is the way to find true connection and to maintain compassionate communication.
As for “Where do I stand?” - I see that as something else. When one chooses to live a principle-based life, there will be moments when stating where you stand helps bridge the discussion. In general, I stand with my concern of individuals having too much unconscious external influence. This is one layer of the victim mentality debate.
Regarding where I stand specifically around society’s role in promoting victim consciousness… I agree with that concern. Could there be social engineering occurring within society that promotes and encourages a victim mentality? I say yes. In saying yes to this kind of “social engineering,” I’m referring to the existence of something beyond the beneficial attributes of having a portion of society that wishes to honor and support those who are victims.
What I mean by the “social engineering” of promoting victim mentality is how, on some level, it serves a broader purpose for institutions and entities to disempower people. I believe learned helplessness is a real phenomenon. It can develop in childhood as well as adulthood. Disempowerment creates a downward spiral in an individual’s life. Going as far as making daily tasks so challenging that there’s little bandwidth for the individual to make forward progress within their surroundings. Which leads to following along to external authority. A victim mentality cycle.
Any thoughts about this cycle? Is it something you've noticed too?
It's important to allow yourself to feel the pain of whatever trauma you've experienced. That is a part of processing. However, it becomes destructive when all you do is relive the experience. It's like having a chip on one's shoulder that weighs you down.