Does "Community" Feel Elusive?
The other day I was on a Zoom call and those of us who attended had a wonderful, layered discussion about community. I continually hear many individuals stating a strong desire for community. Often this is a need wished to be fulfilled. Yet, for some reason community seems elusive to attain.
I gather there are a number of factors determining whether someone is able to meet this need for community. It doesn’t seem like a typical goal that one simply states distinctly, then takes action toward achieving. Or can it be such type of goal? It would seem there are too many moving parts that may be out of one’s control, to follow usual actions and attainment that would come with more personal goals.
This has got me thinking about what would be the best guidance for someone seeking community? What is the mindset to hold for community to manifest? Must each of us be a “community of one” before we match up with others in order to became a community of many?
Is There a Phase of “No Community?”
How is community showing up for you right now? Each of us can take an in-the-moment assessment regarding one’s personal need for community. Is this a need of yours or not? If it is, do you feel like this need is evading you?
As these discussions about community accumulate, I’m having explorative questions emerge. I love giving room for the emerging questions. Perhaps the intention of the questioning isn’t to find a specific answer immediately, rather to further explore the inquiry about the elusiveness of community. Here’s one of the questions that came up:
What if we’re in some sort of generational transition where there is no community?
Personally I haven’t had a sense of community for a number of years. When I did experience a sense of community, it was fleeting. I attributed this to living in a big city (NYC) and how things can change quickly in such places. I’d say I fall into the category of “not wanting to be tied down” so this may be a factor. I also take a more “wherever the wind takes me” approach to my lifestyle, which seems in contrast to a more settled, in-person approach to community.
One could say my desire for community may not be strong enough to maintain it. This could’ve contributed to why it was fleeting for me. Although I’ve heard stories from others who’ve had a much stronger desire for community, who are also finding community to be fleeting. Why would it be fleeting for them? Why would it not be sustained, if this was a primary thing they were longing for and wanting to attain?
Let The Mystery Be
I appreciate hearing what their experiences are like, as I may likely be in a similar place in the near future. It does seem as if there are a lot of individuals within my online social network who are looking for in-person community. Could it be that they thought virtual relating would feel more satisfying than what it’s turned out to be? Is exploration of the virtual communal relating taking away from the more tangible in-person relating?
For now, I’m accepting of the fact that I don’t have a community. With this, I’m embracing what I’m able to explore in not having one. I don’t want to get caught in a loop that my other needs can only be met if I have a community. (Although I’m aware of how some of my needs could benefit from having that kind of support.)
I want to be mindful of getting caught up in traps of expectation, like having a thought loop of: “once I get a community, then I’ll do… (fill the blank).” This seems like a clever way the mind can disguise putting things off and maintaining an unwanted status quo.
Energetically, this approach seems to put a lot of pressure on needing a community. Sure, having the need or desire to have a community is wonderful in its own right, but there’s a toll when placing pressure on having that need to be met. What would it be like to feel satisfied and content with other aspects of life, before having the need for community to be met?
Attuning the Paradigm for “Healthy” Community
Here’s another question that came up for me: Can you have a healthy community that consists of unhealthy people? I’m aware there’s a lot to unpack with a question like this. It’s a starting point: putting the questions out there.
This question must begin with the individual. What makes a person healthy? Let alone determining what makes a community of people healthy? This is not to say that only healthy people can have a healthy community. But I do think it’s an important question to address. I believe when most individuals consider being part of community, they envision a healthier, more vibrant version of community.
If so, then this leads us to consider whether a community has some natural flow of checks and balances calibrating its health, and the health of the individuals within it. What does it look like to maintain harmonious interbeing? Sometimes communities benefit from having a shared vision. For others it’s less about a shared vision and common goals, and more about shared resonance and a consensus reality to bounce off of one another. Or is it a combination of all of these things?
Gemeinshchaff and Mycelium Webs
I often put “community” in quotes as I postulate “community” to mean different things to different people. Each person will perceive any of the different layers that go into creating community. This includes perception of the concerns occurring on the different layers, which likely contribute to the delay of community. Each layer can give insight to the contributing factors for lack of attainment. Where are you stationing yourself when considering community coherence?
One friend mentioned the German word Gemeinschaff. Which is defined as: a spontaneously arising organic social relationship characterized by strong reciprocal bonds of sentiment and kinship within a common tradition. This reminds me of our ability to do online communities. In all of human history this is a new plane to explore. I don’t believe online communities nor virtual relating should take the place of in-person relating or communities. But this new plane, and these new kinds of opportunities for connection, are being explored. This is where we’re at.
Just like on-the-ground, of-the-earth mycelium webs, we are creating a mycelium web of-the-air through our virtual relationships. We’re of a time and space, more ever than before in history, to explore this new mycelium-like web of connecting. Maybe it’s overwhelming for some to have both online and on-the-ground communities in place. It’s exciting to explore the options!
So much insight! Thank you James!!
Community is the top most thought in my mind these days. The lack of this in my life is palpable. I long for a tribe to share my life with.
You’ve inspired a few new lines of ideas to contemplate.
Nice to see your explorations and inquiries here, James!
I appreciate the questioning of whether "no on the ground community" is a collective phase, or a personal phase for some of us.
I would add it's definitely cultural, too. I write this from India, where interdependence and community is vital. It's changing here, too, in some cities or classes, but the whole psyche is completely different than the West.
"Can you have a healthy community that consists of unhealthy people?" I would absolutely say NO. I would say the community is as healthy as the majority of its members, and the level of wellness (which could be called "thriving") is weighted positive or negative toward the relative health of its dominant leaders.
If the members are truly healthy, then the leadership has less of a hold, however.
My first thoughts.
Namaste.
🙏🏽